Cookoo Charlie's Animal Alphabet - Frogs

Frogs

Charlie Hogan, an eleven year old boy, took his bag of buttered popcorn, box of sno-caps and large coke from the concessions stand attendee. He had come to the theater to see Vincent Price in The Abominable Dr. Phibes, which was playing with a b-flick called Frogs.

Turning around, Charlie spotted a pretty usherette talking with a fellow employee. She had long blonde hair and was wearing a theater t-shirt with a short skirt that showed off her long, shapely legs that, in the words of Ian Anderson, “went on forever.’

Charlie stood there gawking at her, not realizing his hand was twitching, shaking the coke’s ice. A thin smile parted his lips.

The usherette, hair pulled back in a butterfly-print scrunchie, became aware of Charlie’s unsettling stare. Likewise, Charlie realized he’d been found out. He made tracks in search of his double feature.

The way Charlie ate his movie snacks was this: He’d toss six sno-caps into his mouth, followed by a small handful of popcorn, chew it a bit and wash it down with a swallow of Coke. As palate-pleasing as this edible experience was Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about the blonde’s meaty gams.

Around a half hour into the amphibious take-over, when a wheelchair-bound Ray Milland pulled a pistol from under his blanket and shot the chandelier-clinging snake, the theater doors opened and in stepped the long-legged lady.

Switching on her little flashlight, the usherette made her way down the aisle. Part of her job was to ensure no mischief was occurring and no one snuck in through the back doors. Just last week, she caught a teenager, who had paid for a ticket, sneaking his buddies in through the rear exit.

As the usherette went past Charlie’s aisle, Charlie felt his body stiffening up, in more ways than one. Having already polished off his sweets, he took one final draw from his coke and placed the empty cup on the floor. Luckily, Charlie had gone to a mid-day matinee on a Wednesday, so there wasn’t anyone in his immediate vicinity when he crouched down in the aisle.

Croc-patiently, he waited for his thighrageous obsession, as if he were a giant bullfrog ready to tongue-tag a passing bug. Charlie didn’t have to wait long.

Finding everything copacetic, blondie had begun her return. Coming up to Charlie’s row, she hesitated as if knowing something was amiss. Where was that unnerving boy who had eyeballed her as a lioness would a gazelle?

Shrugging her shoulders at her apparent paranoia, the usherette continued on. From his ambush site, Charlie pounced upon his limber love, knocking her to the floor, causing the usherette to usher forth a scream. Placing his hands on her upper right leg, Charlie bit into the tender thigh, not skin-breaking, just enough to get a tantalizing taste.

Jumping up, Charlie bolted towards his escape. As he pushed open the doors, he yelled back, “I hope I didn’t make too deep an impression!”