Cookoo Charlie's Animal Alphabet - Lion
Lion
(Originally entitled Cookoo Charlie: Hunter of Hunters)
A few years ago, my friend and business partner, John Ray Gutierrez and I tried to turn this script into a short-film. We held auditions, chose the cast and were scouting for locations. But our funding didn’t come through and other circumstances forced us to abandon the project.
Perhaps, one day, it will get filmed. As for now, here’s the script.
Interior – Bedroom – Night
Camera sweeps down as we see Steven and Cheryl asleep in bed. Steven is on his back and Cheryl, on her side, has her arm draped over Steven’s chest. Also, draped over Steven’s chest is a large rubber cobra. Steven wakes up abruptly, from a nightmare, and sits up, knocking Cheryl’s arm and the snake from his chest. The cobra lands in Steven’s lap.
Steven (breathing heavy, gaining control)
Shit… shit.
Cheryl (awakening from her slumber)
What? What is it?
Steven (calming down)
I had a… What the hell?
Steven reaches over and turns on the lamp. He sees the cobra lying across his legs.
Steven (as he scurries out of bed)
Motherfucker!
Cheryl emits a little scream and jumps out of her side of the bed.
Cheryl
Oh, my god! Where in the hell did that come from?
Steven (accusingly)
Did you put that there?
Cheryl (shocked that he would even suggest that)
Why in the fuck would… Wait. Is there someone in the house?
Steven (as he moves to the doorway)
Wait right here.
Cheryl (as she makes to follow him)
But…
Steven (forcefully)
Stay here.
Cheryl
But…
Steven exits the bedroom.
End Scene.
Interior – Bedroom – Night
We see Cheryl as she stands by the doorway; she is holding an axe handle. Steven reenters the bedroom.
Steven (in control now)
What are you going to do with that?
Cheryl
What do you think I’m gonna do with it? If need be, I’m gonna bash that motherfucker’s brains in.
Steven (reaching for the axe)
Well there’s no sign of a break-in. Nothing.
Cheryl (with still a hint of fear)
Well where in the fuck did THAT (pointing at the snake) come from?
Steven (tossing the axe on the bed)
Do I look like I have a fucking clue? Listen, baby, I had a nightmare..
Cheryl (not realizing there’s a connection between snake and nightmare)
Steven.
Steven
Let me finish! I had a dream I was being squeezed to death by a cobra.
Cheryl, shocked, looks toward the cobra and then back to Steven.
Steven
His head came up till it was face to face with mine. And then… then his head turned into a clown’s head.
Cheryl (disbelief)
A clown?
Steven
Yes! He said, “If I were you, I’d sure as shit cancel that hunting trip.”
Cheryl
Well that’s it then. That’s precisely what you’re gonna do.
Steven (adamant too)
Like hell I am. That trip’s paid for and I’m going. If you’re freaked out by… whatever the hell this is, and you’re too scared to stay here, go stay with your sister. Do whatever you feel you need to do, but I’m going. End of story.
Cheryl (pissed, looks him dead in the eyes)
Asshole.
Cheryl exits the bedroom.
End scene.
Exterior – Trail – Day
We see Steven walking a path. (10-15 seconds).
Cut to
Rearview shot of Cookoo Charlie standing behind a tree. Low angle shot, so we can’t make out who Cookoo is.
Cookoo
I’ll use your liver as soap
And your kidneys for pie
Time to abandon all hope
‘Cause fucker you’re gonna die
Born to be wild… Born to be wild
End scene
Exterior- Trail – Day
As Steven is walking on the trail, he comes to a stop.
Camera –close up – face.
Steven
You have got to be fuckin’ kidding me.
Steven walks a few feet ahead of him. He bends and reaches down.
Camera view of Steven’s hand as he picks up something from the trail. He brings it up to his chest. Steven opens his hand and we see
A 3” toy rubber clown.
Steven finds himself squeezing the belly of the toy.
We hear the clown’s maniacal laugh.
Steven
Son of a bitch.
Steven throws the tormenting toy in the woods. He looks around for a phantom he cannot see.
Steven (angrily)
When I get my hands on you, motherfucker, I’m going to rip your heart out and piss on it, as you cough up your last breaths!
Voice over – From the woods
A clown laughs.
Steven tries to pinpoint the direction from which the laughter emanates. Failing to do so, frustratingly, he walks on.
End scene.
Exterior- Trail – Day
Steven continues his walk along the trail. Cookoo appears, out of thin air, behind him, pulls his head back and slices his throat open with werewolf claws.
Cookoo stands over Steven, as Steven bleeds out. He places his boot on Steven’s chest.
Cookoo
I’m Cookoo Charlie, the cannibal clown. You’d be surprised what I can keep down. I’m the hunter of hunters, motherfucker, and you’re traipsing along my favorite trail, the entrails.
Alice Cooper once said that the world needs guts; well, right now, I’m gonna devour yours, along with the rest of your body. And then, then, I’m gonna pay a visit to that Cookooliciously chewable wife wife of yours and I’m gonna show her that no one, NO-FUCKIN’-ONE can eat pussy like a cannibal can eat pussy!
Cookoo gives out an evil laugh,
The end
Roll credits
After credits.
Camera – Full face shot of Cookoo.
Cookoo
Whether you hunt wolf, griz or lion
You’ll be the one that ends up dyin’
Look at this face, am I fuckin’ lyin?
If you wish to learn more about canned lion hunting, I highly recommend the documentary, Blood Lions.
Also, please support http://www.bornfreeusa.org/home.php
